Thanksgiving

     I was not looking forward to the holiday's starting. Ellie's due date was so close to Thanksgiving and then Christmas right after. In my family, Thanksgiving starts off our holiday traditions. My whole family (both sides, and now my husbands side) get together at my parents house. No less than 20 people. Then on black friday we used to go shopping and out to eat, but starting last year we decided to go winery hopping. Obviously this year I wasn't going to be able to participate, but I was still going to go and spend time with our family. Then on Saturday we decorate my mom's house for Christmas.

     Thinking about not having my Ellie Bear with us for the holidays has been so hard. I always said I didn't want to have a child around Christmas. My sister's birthday is New Years Day and she hated it. Plus it's a lot financially all at once. But the closer we got to her due date, the more excited I became about her birthday being in the middle of the holiday season. Making the holidays that much more special. I bought the most adorable outfits for her to wear for Christmas this year. I had bought a different Christmas outfit for every day in December. I couldn't wait to decorate the house with her. Take photos of her in front of her first Christmas tree.

     I helped my mom all week long getting ready for Thanksgiving. One day my grandma came over to help us with the baking. That was probably one of the hardest days of the week. Having 3 generations baking recipes that my grandma used to make for my mom. Ellie should have been there.
She should have been sleeping in the baby wrap I bought. She should be getting to experience the tradition of making the sausage stuffing. She should be learning our traditions year and year.

     I have yet to decorate our house for Christmas. I have several ornaments for Ellie, but it's been hard to want to put anything up. The other day I thought I might, but it changes every day, even every hour. Yesterday I wanted to decorate. Today I don't. Tomorrow we will see. I just want her to be here to do it with. To start new traditions with her. But I can't, and that hurts so very bad.