Eloise

     Today is the date we had set for our maternity photos. I had been looking forward to today for so long. Every year around our wedding anniversary, Joel and I have new photos taken. It's important to me to have photos done at least once a year to see how we have changed. This year we decided since Joel was working in Vegas and we were trying to save money, that we would save our yearly photos for a maternity session rather than doing one in July, and one in November. Looking back I wish I would have done both sessions. I don't have many photos of Joel and I together with Ellie inside. I wish Joel and I could have been together more. Even though he was working to support us, sometimes there are more important things than money. I wish I would have taken more "bump" pictures. Anything that would have her in them so I could show her (potential) siblings. I wish I didn't complain about my morning sickness. It meant she was still safe in my tummy. I wish I didn't complain about getting a van. It meant we could keep her safe.

     Joel and I have decided to have family portraits done in December. We are going to order a photo of her that Amanda (Amanda Jane Photography) took in the hospital so she gets to be a part of the session. Our yearly photos from now on will always have her in them.

     The hard part of that is knowing that every year we should be celebrating new milestones of her development. When she says her first word, takes her first step, her first tooth, learns to ride a bike, has her first day of school, has her first best friend, her first sleep over, her first daddy daughter dance, her first school dance, her first boyfriend, her first heartbreak, prom dress shopping, looking at collages, her wedding. All these things that I have spent the last 8 months dreaming of and looking forward to. I won't get them. That hurts.

     I've tried to focus on the fact that I did get to spend 8 months with her. But 8 months just isn't enough. I only had one of those months to know we were having a girl. I so badly wanted to have a surprise the day she was born. Joel wanted to find out as soon as possible. Looking back, although the the baby shower was so much fun as a surprise, I wish we would have found out right away. I loved getting to talk to her about every thing we were going to do and call her by name.

     I have been so in love with her name. Joel and I never had to discuss names too much. Only her middle name. We went back and forth on several. Loren, Hazel (Joel's pick), Harlow (my pick), and finally Rose (my middle name). I always said its not fair for guys to name their sons after them, but women don't. So I wanted her to have part of my name. And Joel agreed. The most perfect name for our perfect daughter.

Eloise Rose Price <3