I went in the nursery.
I had been dreading going in to Ellie's nursery without her. She was supposed to be sleeping in that crib. We were supposed to be reading her the books in there. We were supposed to rock together in the chair. I was supposed to go overboard on her outfit and match the perfect bow to her shirt.
And now I can't.
I sat in there are cried.
I read her a book that I picked up last weekend for her called "Ellie." I found a little box from the hospital with her bracelets and hospital blanket, and little hats.
I looked at all her clothes that I won't get to be able to dress her up in. So many dress or fun outfits. We even bought a fake leather jacket for next year for when she would be hanging out with my dad. I couldn't wait for her to "open" Christmas presents from my parents, knowing she got some adorable outfits (one that matches my cousin's daughter's outfit since they were going to be just a couple weeks apart).
We never got a chance to fully finish her room. The fabric for her curtains had just come in a week or two before she was born. We just started hanging her artwork and figuring out where to put frames for her newborn photos. We were still trying to figure out where all the toys would go. And I was getting all her Christmas outfits ready for the week of Christmas (this week). Her room was going to be so perfect for our little girl. Not overly girly, but just enough.
Now that I have gone in there, I'm hoping to finish her room still over the next few weeks. I want to see my vision fully finished. I want to read a story to her in there every night. I want to sit in there and talk to her. But not today. Today is now going to be "one of those days" where I just can't even make myself do anything. But that's OK. I am learning that I'm going to have many days like this. even 20 years from now.
When her nursery is all done I will share some photos of it :)
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