But lately I am having a hard time being open. Lately it has been feeling like those first few weeks. All alone. Not wanting to be around anyone. I just want to lay in bed, snuggle my Ellie Bear, and not have to interact with anyone.
It's hard to have this side of my life, but also know that I need to go out and do my job, and engage in conversation with people. People that may or may not known my story. People that may see me smile, and think that everything is okay again. People that may see me in sweats and think that I am lazy. It's hard to want to have a conversation with someone who doesn't actually know the internal torture I am experiencing.
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Last week I finally had the chance to take pictures of Eloise's nursery. Her room used to be my office, so it was already painted a light purple. Originally I wanted to do a gender neutral room because I wanted to wait until she was born to find out if we were having a girl or a boy. Joel couldn't wait that long. So we compromised and I got my big surprise at the baby shower. I'll share those another time!
Her room is the only one in the house that is completely finished and beautiful. It's almost exactly what I pictured, other than her not being in that crib. I love going in there and rocking with Ellie Bear. I love seeing Achilles and Athena in there. I dreamed of Ellie taking naps with the puppies laying next to the crib. All my babies in one beautiful place.
I couldn't wait to rock her while these two played there.
I was going to hang a big metal or canvas print from her newborn session above her crib.
Once some medical bills are paid off I will.
So cute!
Protecting her crib <3
And old dresser we (my mom) repainted and it came out perfect.
I bought these books just last week. I still pick up little presents for her. And I knew Joel would absolutely love this one.
Her elephant bank from Aunty Charlene, music, and some flowers in a mason jar :)
A book my parents got us from Ellie for Christmas
A book I got Ellie for Christmas
More of her books with sweet messages in them for her.
forever and ever.
(yes, I realize the price tag is still on the frames to the left)
Ellie's great grandma made this pillow for her uncle, and it's now Ellie's <3
A few toys, her poppy, and Price pillow :)
I looooove these curtain tiebacks I found. And those teeny diapers!
I couldn't find any curtains that I likes so my mom and I found fabric that she used to make curtains
Our little corner. I bought that small lamp in college and it was perfect when I found cradle glass knobs for the dresser (that we still need to put on), and the crackle glass curtain rods (that I still need to add lace curtains to).
My favorite song to listen to on family road trips or just at my parents house was "Jerusalem" by Dan Bern and one of the lines is "I like Olives, I like you too" so when I saw this on Easy, it had to be purchased!
A few of her stuffed animals. Joel and I had been at Target looking for rugs for her room and I walked away to look at something. When I came back that pink fox had somehow made it's way into the cart. We still don't know how it got there... ;)
Just a week and a half before she was born, we had been at our college for Homecoming weekend and picked up a TON of stuff for her, McCaw being one of them!
The shelf her stuffed animals sits on was going to be a little seat when she got bigger. I was going to make a foam pad to put on the top of it so she had a little seat to put shoes on, and hang her coats <3
And there it is. Her perfect, beautiful room.
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